18 years have come and gone: a reflection

i don't know where i'm going, but i hope to know when i get there. i've seen a lot of shit, and done a lot of shit, and smelt a lot of different kind of shit in my life, and saw the sunrise over the las vegas strip with two of your best friends and two drunk, hazy eyes. i've seen the beaches of the big island dazzle with kona gold and maui wowie, and that kahala vine that you swore squeagied your third eye that one day near kohala. i've spelt big words with devestating accuracy, met Brink from the movie, and ate lunch with greatness. i was on the only team in the history of regionals to beat california south and colorado, and i met a beautiful girl that weekend that wanted to bone, but i didn't because i had something else back home. i've woken up next to three of my best friends and my coach in a hotel in san diego with three empty vodka bottles, and have spent incalcuable amounts of money on weed and shrooms. i've loved a sports team with all of my heart, killed thirty gophers, and cried as one of my best friends buried his brother. i've seen my heroes play my heroes in seattle and cheered as ruud scored the first one, giggs scored the second, solksjaer, the third, and the new boy bellion, the fourth. i've seen henrik larsson with my own two eyes and met jimmy davis a few weeks before his death. i've talked with people from every continent (yes, anarctica too, you pretentious asshole) and smelt what i'm sure it's like inside an ass. i've tripped on prom night and remembered everything. i've seen one of my teachers doing nitrous in the lot at a yonder show. i made out with a thirty-five year old house sitter once from new zealand, and liked it. i've seen two oceans, and only one is cool. i've seen the sunrise over the beaches of waikoloa, rockaway, and sequim. i've seen the second greatest touring band ever, and i've seen a rap concert and had a good time (and no, i wasn't fucked up). i've woken up my friend's parents at three o'clock in the morning by standing naked in there doorway and turning on their bedroom light, then preceded to piss in their sink. i've smoked peyote and believed to be ethereal and righteous. i've given up on a girl too many times to count, but she always comes home because i think we love each other. and i've never cried over her. i've seen my grandfather pass away, and my father cry. and i cried. i've watched the time on the clock filter away into nothingness, incapable of gathering the necessary impetus to move me from my bed. i've ridden the waves at mana kea and got substantially gnarly. one night at legendary, i got stoned on the back porch of one of the cabins. i've spent the best days of my life with ten or so of the best friends i've ever had, wasting the day no matter where we were, no matter what we were doing, spending every waking moment with each other. and then forgot about them their last summer as i chased a girl. i've been on top of shopko and the pan handler, and even made it out to wolf island using a raft and a rope. i've cried over a political election. i got head-butted by mike finch. i have finished an eighteener on my eighteenth and wondered if there was anything wrong with that. i'm deathly afraid of getting stoned and talking to my girl. and i've been late more times than i can count. i've had sex on the banks of the clark fork river, and in a tiny bathroom, but my favorite place was the couch in the duniway hall lobby at 4 o'clock in the morning because we were both sober and unafraid. i've seen john prugh score from twenty-five yards away with a side volley to beat sugah's team, with marsh in goal. i've hit the five-footer with matt troxel and cole bergquist and didn't regret it. i've finally partied with joe black, adam jensen and ben dixon after a year hiatus. i shut out pride predators at regionals, and made the save of my life against san juan sporting club. and i almost signed with grasshopper fc's youth team. and regret not signing, and can't remember why i stayed. i ain't always been right, but i've never been wrong. i've read the lyrics to the golden road and loved them and finally understood where dancing in a ring around the sun came from. and i've loved the grateful dead, and met bob weir in the airport in denver, and wish it was all of them, instead of just the one. and i've loved you.